Grief is often overwhelming, often leaving us feeling isolated or untethered from those we’ve lost. For centuries, people in cultures around the world have found comfort and meaning in honoring memories, engaging in rituals, or feeling a symbolic presence of the deceased. These continuing bonds can provide healing, solace, and even a sense of companionship and allow our loved ones to continue to be part of our lives in beautiful ways.

How continuing bonds with loved ones who have passed can aid people in managing grief:

1. Adjusting Positively to Loss: Klass, Silverman, and Nickman (1996) introduced the concept of continuing bonds, which suggests that maintaining a connection with a deceased loved one can be a healthy part of grieving. Their research found that these bonds, such as engaging in rituals or cherishing memories, can provide comfort, continuity, and a sense of meaning, helping the bereaved adjust to life after loss while retaining a positive emotional connection to the deceased.

2. Improved Emotional Health and Coping: Field and Friedrichs (2004) studied individuals who engaged in continuing bonds behaviours, like talking to or sensing the presence of their loved one, and found these actions could alleviate feelings of loneliness and sadness. This connection offered emotional support and helped individuals feel less isolated in their grief, suggesting that continuing bonds can foster better emotional health during bereavement.

3. Creating a Sense of Purpose and Meaning: Research by Klass and Walter (2001) on bereaved parents found that acknowledging an ongoing connection with a deceased child helped these parents find new purpose and a way to continue meaningful interactions with their child’s memory. This enduring bond helped the parents integrate the loss into their lives, ultimately supporting them as they redefined their identities and sense of purpose.

4. Long-Term Resilience and Grief Management: Stroebe, Gergen, Gergen, and Stroebe (1992) examined how continuing bonds can lead to long-term resilience by transforming the relationship with the deceased rather than seeking "closure." Their findings suggest that incorporating the memory and presence of a loved one into one’s ongoing life can reduce the pressure to "move on" and instead encourage acceptance of grief as an evolving experience, promoting healthier grief adaptation.

5. Healing Through Memories and Rituals: Research by Klass and Chow (2011) highlighted that engaging in rituals, such as honouring anniversaries or talking to loved ones through letters, helped the bereaved feel closer to their loved ones and experience a sense of healing. These practices provided a structure for expressing love and keeping memories alive, supporting mourners’ emotional well-being and facilitating a balanced integration of the loss into their lives.

These studies collectively show that continuing bonds can be a source of comfort and resilience, helping individuals integrate loss into their lives in meaningful ways.

Maintaining a bond with someone beyond the veil doesn’t require special abilities—only an open mind and willingness to create a time and place on a regular basis to practice listening. It is also advisable to record any experinces in a journal. It is amazing how they build up into an important record and provide huge comfort. Here are some meaningful ways to feel your loved one's presence and engage with their spirit:

1. Create a Space for Reflection
   Designate a place in your home or nature where you feel comfortable and close to them. Whether it’s a small altar, a favourite garden spot, or simply a quiet area, this space can serve as a gentle reminder of their ongoing presence. Spend time there reflecting on memories, writing them a letter, or just sitting in peace. 

After our daughter passed, we created special places in our house where we surround ourselves with our daughter's belongings and creations. There is a photo that I blow a kiss to each night. We have placed her artwork all the way up our stairs so she is present at the very centre of our house. There is a piece of her furniture or a photograph in every room. 

2. Mindfulness and Meditation
   Through meditation, you may find it easier to quiet the mind and sense their essence. Some find that guided visualisations, like imagining meeting them in a peaceful place, bring comfort.  Subtle signs or even messages can come through by staying open and mindful. Regular meditation also strengthens your intuitive senses, making it easier to recognise these spiritual nudges.

I have had some truly amazing connections through meditations. I belong to a group for parents with a child in spirit called Zach's House. Zach's house members meditate together over Zoom, often using Monroe Institute meditations - please see My Journey for a great example called Daisy Meditation and the resources section for more information about Zach's House. I have also been guided by a great teacher on some amazing shamanic journeys. See My Journey for the example about the tiger.

3. Dreams and Visitation Dreams
   Dreams can bridge between worlds. Setting an intention to see or speak with your loved one in a dream can sometimes lead to profound, comforting encounters. Known as "visitation dreams," these experiences often feel more vivid than regular dreams; the memory of them remains with us for a long time afterwards and they can be emotional. 

I have not had a specific visitation dream from Ellie, but her sister and a couple of her friends have. In her sister's dream Ellie told her that she crossed over because she couldn't grow any more. At the time, this didn't make a huge amount of sense, but now I know it means that she couldn't grow spiritually any more. The same night of this dream, one of her sister's friends, J, had a dream too. J said, "Ellie came to me in my dream. She looked amazing and almost had shiny bits through her hair – strange, I know! I was obviously shocked. Ellie said that she was happy and fine and thanked me for looking out for you (Ellie's sister) and my mum for looking out for Alex (me). She then wandered off and I woke up in a really emotional state".

4. Signs & Symbols
   Loved ones often communicate through signs, such as a specific bird, song, or familiar fragrance. Noticing these signs can bring warmth, comfort, and reassurance. Be mindful of patterns or moments that seem to stand out—they could be a subtle way of saying, "I am here."

Initially, I did think some signs were potentially wishful thinking. However, through my research, personal experience and the evidence presented online through the mediumship of my very dear friend Sally Stacey (see the research & resources page, objective evidence and spirit phenomena and see Sally's Youtube playlist called Sign of the Week). I know that the spirit world can direct its energy to deliver signs. We just have to realise what is going on!  There is a good book on signs by Laura Lynne Jackson in the resources section along with an excerpt from Channeling Erik where Erik explains how those in spirit create signs, and I talk about a few of the signs I have received in My Journey.

5. Create New Rituals
   Lighting a candle on special dates, keeping a journal of memories, or even carrying an object that reminds you of them can foster a continued sense of connection. New rituals offer structure to honour them and remember their impact on your life.

I always make Ellie a cake for her birthday and as a family we always meet for a meal on her birthday. I lay an extra place for her at the table for celebratory meals. Her sister instigated a Christmas poetry tradition in Ellie's honour. I have a candle on the window sill which I light for her on her birthday and at Christmas time and whenever I want to - it doesn't have to be a special day to send her candlelight!